♠ Tuesday musings ( Wednesday, March 8, 2017 // 2:26 AM )

♠ Limitations ( Tuesday, February 28, 2017 // 10:48 PM )
It's easy to look back on yourself and amplify your limitations and weaknesses, especially as an overthinker, I feel like it really hinders me from going all out and just expressing myself/having fun making mistakes and learning from it :/ 

Timely reminder came when a friend shared this article on facebook: http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/your-weakness-is-not-meaningless. 

It’s also true that we experience the most love for one another in the places of our greatest mutual needs.When God gave me my strengths, few though they are, his purpose wasn’t to give me some basis on which to feel good about myself. He gave them to me so I could have the astounding privilege of loving someone else by graciously serving them in a place of their need, and then by receiving their grateful love in return.And when God gave me my weaknesses, which are legion, his purpose wasn’t to make me ashamed and discouraged. He gave them to me so I could have the astounding privilege of humbly receiving someone else’s love as they graciously serve me in a place of my need, and then joyfully responding to them with grateful love in return

I love how the author encourages us to yes, look at your limitations but not to worry/shame them. Instead look at how God has given you love in those areas and appreciate the love those around you have shown <3 Similarly in areas of strength, go forth and spread the love, of course, first reminding yourself that you are loved and this love that fills your heart will then overflow and spill to those around you (:

♠ Seek first ( Sunday, February 26, 2017 // 4:48 PM )

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

-Matthew 6:33

Truly the last day of my last recess week of my life :O Thankful for the rest and the time I had to catch up with friends & family, and also slightly more rested for the next half of the semester to come. Going to be a 小intense week ahead but really can't wait for it to be over!

 & I realised I should not try to take naps LOL the bed is like my magnet, and once I go there, it's over... I take forever to get back into the groove of things. Note to self to sleep earlier tonight though, 9am test tomorrow calls for some brain action then (which has been non-existent till today)

♠ Extroverted Introvert? ( Friday, February 24, 2017 // 1:40 AM )
A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about extroverts/introverts and it got me thinking how do we exactly label one as an extrovert/introvert? I mean there are tests that tell you your personality type like ISFJ or smthing but sometimes I feel like one day I can feel full of life and want to talk/engage with all my friends, but other days I just want to have alone time. I guess that's the complexity of humans, and how God made each and every one of us special and different in our own ways. He was saying how maybe we should be extroverts cause then we can really go out there and evangelise. But I believe that we will reach out to others in our own special way, by his will and power. Sometimes it takes an introvert to connect to another introvert right?

Wonder if anyone else feels like sometimes when you see someone you know, but you're not thattt close to the person, you'd want to siam and not say hi/just say hi and not initiate any convo...HAHA I feel so mean doing that sometimes but I just like to avoid awkward situations if possible, especially if it's a long train/bus ride. Guess its a test of real friendship sometimes :x Feel like real friends appreciate comfortable silence and I really treasure that a lot, just being in the company of people who tolerate your shit (shoutout to my shit/childish-tolerating buddies, yall are 100%)

time flies - it's already y3s2 and the end of recess week... shit's going to get real soon with internships and fyp but I really thank God for the peace in my heart this sem. Especially with all the extra commitments and ministries. Sometimes I wonder if this is the right time to step up and join back TC but seeing the kids weekly and interacting with them makes me feel like God put me back in this place for a reason and I believe He will see me through the last "studying" semester <3

Sidenote: omg I finally am starting to feel the "age"... From realising my bible was older than one of the kids at TC camp, to my friend's marriage. Really happy for him though, to have found someone he can spend his lifetime with. We were commenting how his priorities in life just shifted overnight, from grades to family/wife. But really, life isn't about getting all those As though in reality they do get you somewhere. Remember vividly collecting my results 3 years ago, the anticipation was not really for the actual grade, but rather to see my hard work come to fruitition in someway tangible? Looking back, it was really a fun time because of the memories I made with my friends, learning was intense but it ended up being quite repetitive in the end with all the past year papers and exercises. I am immensely thankful I found a group of friends whom I can rely on to share, learn, study and grow together and I really hope we'll continue to be #overlyattachedfriends wherever we go <3

Photo above #throwback to hongkong travels with thomson buddy Kar wew ft. the cute doggy that was only after the potatoes our other friend was holding LOL. Super thankful for this chill travel buddy whom I can just talk to about anything and everything in life, go on food adventures and really hope we can travel again with the rest of the thomson gang (actually just clauds LOL)



♠ Recent Musings ( Sunday, August 21, 2016 // 2:59 PM )
As many other Singaporeans know and are celebrating, Joseph Schooling did our nation proud by clinching that amazing gold medal, beating his idol Phelps and 2 other amazing swimmers on the world stage just a few weeks ago. As the celebrations continue and the newspaper reports continue to flood, I can't help but wonder, what if he was not as "Singaporean" as many would be quick to define as "born in Singapore", but someone who came from overseas to swim for this tiny nation?

Amidst the celebrations, our table tennis players tried their best but sadly failed to make it high up the ranks. In one of the interviews, they gave a match review in mandarin, which was perfectly normal, until some people had to comment on the language that they chose to use, finding fault in even the smallest things, instead of encouraging them and giving them praise for the hard work they had put in to fight for our nation, "Singaporean" or not. If one were to comment and say they should have spoken in english instead, then why not choose melayu? Isn't that Singapore's national language? Sadly, the same reactions would not come if a "Singaporean" were to comment in chinese instead of english. 

I'd have to admit, that my recent month exchange to Korea did open my eyes even more to the disgusting ways of some of the Chinese nationals. From pushing their way through, to cutting queues and even forming their own queues; all these oblivious to the stares and frowns from everyone around them. Of course, in Korea the xenophobia against the Chinese is quite obvious in the change of attitudes when they realise that the group of us are not from China, but are Singaporean chinese instead. Even our airbnb host commented slightly that many did not welcome them because of their rude actions and the noise they bring.

However, my friend was quick to reassure me that not all of the Chinese nationals are like that, after all, China is a big country. Her sister's exchange to China proved that not everyone was like those individuals we saw in Korea and even sometimes in Singapore. It was because we were exposed to such examples that we have, sadly, become so quick to assume the worst of these individuals.

Just like one ex-national shooter commented, if Joseph Schooling received the funding that many people are talking about right now, but did not win/did not return to swim for Singapore in the end, would the response be the same? I do remember not long ago, some people even questioned his dad if Schooling was really Singaporean. Really??

Why are we so hung up upon a definition of what it means to be Singaporean. To be Singaporean is so much more than being born in Singapore. Does it mean our great grandparents who came from China/India are just foreigners, and just because our grandparents were born here, they're suddenly Singaporeans? Yes, maybe they were not born in Singapore, but they called this place their home, they worked here, they lived here and they formed a family here, without, we would not even be here.

Sometimes, the xenophobia gets real and is overwhelming, and it gets scarier as I try to imagine life in the future -- with a shrinking "local" population and ageing population, the reality of more FTs joining us looms near, for without, we are unable to support our own economic and social systems. Of course, there are many flaws in the ways information and things are being carried out. But ultimately, we should take a step back and think before talk.

Labels: random

♠ Peace ( Sunday, April 10, 2016 // 4:39 PM )
Lots of things have happened in the past few days, more notably, debates and questions raised against our pharm system after the halftime session with the profs. I walked into the session and seated myself comfortably, and scrolled through the humorous comments on the board, awaiting the announcement of the new FYP schedule and format, only to be blown away by questions and answers from the students and the profs alike in the next 2 hours.

Honestly when I first came in and had that mini tea session with the prof (thinking that other people would sign up LOL), I knew things were not going to be the same as what I had heard from pharmacists who had graduated. However, I honestly did not expect what was going to hit me in the next 2 years, and coming 2 more.

Am I annoyed at the lack of information and structure? Yes, annoyed at the mess that we had to go through, introducing SOUL in the summer break, and having to overload each sem to clear everything. Yes 50 hours may not seem a lot, and I understand the rationale behind it, but from what I see on the ground, SOUL brings away the true meaning of service in many ways. Students actively sign up for Emed/HME etc. just to clear their hours. I really enjoy signing up for these sessions, because I feel that I can make a difference in some way. But every time I take out that dreaded SOUL sheet, I feel a slight tinge of guilt. Am I doing this because of the hours? I want to serve, to help, but everytime I think about the need to complete those hours, I don't really know anymore...

One of the remarks by the profs that really annoyed me was when asked about the fact that we had to overload for completion of the 7 electives, she replied that it was "unexpected". Really? How can it be unexpected it is clearly the university requirement for us to complete those electives, and with the reshuffling of the mods, I fail to see how it was "unexpected". The talk we had during FOW highlighted that we had to clear our electives by overloading, even giving us a "helpful" table on when to clear them. So really, either it is unexpected or it is a huge mess. Not many faculties have to overload multiple sems to clear electives, and on top of the truly heavy workload, 5x2CAs (minimum) each semester, it really drains each and every one of us and takes away some of the joy in learning.

Perhaps one can say, we are already being overly sensitive and that uni is not a bubble like the lower years of education and exposes us more to the real world, which is not just butterflies and unicorns. But what we are expecting, as students wanting to learn and be reliable healthcare professionals, is knowledge, and that is best done in a good environment, which clearly we do not see right now. Some of us argue to reduce the need for electives, but I actually really enjoy taking them. They open my eyes to the world beyond pharm, and gives us a chance to broaden our perspectives, because the world out there is far bigger than what we see from our notes and drugs.

Then there's the debate about the bell curve. Honestly, I have a love-hate relationship with it. I love it when I feel that the test was terrible and it actually saves me, and hate it when I work so hard only to be put down by the bell curve. That being said however, perhaps it is not as beneficial to us when we are working towards a common goal and trying to attain knowledge as healthcare professionals. Having the bell curve to put us down with those terrible Cs and Ds just because of the bell curve, puts us at competition (albeit unhealthy) with each other just to scramble for the As from what many have raised. (Though I do not really see it as much, perhaps "blessed" with ignorance in that aspect or/and just really good friends) On the other hand, having the bell curve to pull us up gives us a false sense of accomplishment, when in actual fact we could not have understood the subject well in the first place.

I understand from the profs point of view, that perhaps our grades really do form a natural bell curve by its pure numbers, and maybe we fail to see that because we do not see the actual numbers all the time. But schools have rules and departments have regulations, and they clearly cannot show these information to us for a variety of reasons.

So how now? Perhaps, just to suck it up, give feedback and hope that it will improve for the batches to come. After all, it's not like I hate what I am studying, in fact, I really enjoy it. It's just that the stress sometimes takes away the joy of learning. But they also say when you compress then you can extend further haha.

After the session, I was both annoyed and amused at the "crisis management" of the profs, but for the rest, I felt more like nothing had changed since I was hit with the new curriculum's changes, and that nothing will/can change much in the short term. What was up to me was how I was going to deal with it, and I believe God gave me the peace to do so. I believe God placed me here for a reason, and I had faith that He would pull me through. I still had my opinions, I still had a stand, but instead of continuing to be annoyed at everything and anything, I chose to find peace within myself.

Watching bubz's vlog yesterday also hit me at the spot. She read a quote from a book called "Don't sweat the small stuff" which I thought was quite inspirational.

“One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be. It’s not and it won’t. When we make this mistake we tend to spend a lot of time wallowing and/or complaining about what’s wrong with life. “It’s not fair,” we complain, not realizing that, perhaps, it was never intended to be.” - Richard Carlson, Don't sweat the small stuff

The bell curve is an amplification of the natural competition and that truly life isn't fair. But when we start to zoom in into these fine details, we lose sight of the big picture. Life was never intended to be fair, if not we'd not be the unique individuals we are, with different life experiences and personalities. I believe God made us all unique, different people who will shine for Him in so many different ways, and I believe He will provide, we just need to do our best and leave God to do the rest. (:

♠ overnight magic ( Wednesday, January 20, 2016 // 11:31 PM )

21 & still learning, growing / plays the drums / attempts the guitar / loves to use gimp / child of God

“One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be. It’s not and it won’t. When we make this mistake we tend to spend a lot of time wallowing and/or complaining about what’s wrong with life. “It’s not fair,” we complain, not realizing that, perhaps, it was never intended to be.” -- Richard Carlson

may we meet again :D ♥claudia ♥claudia's tumblr ♥raeann's tumblr ♥raeann ♥sicheng ♥jocelyn's blogshop ♥jiemei ♥fengzhuo ♥rgco daji ♥203'09 ♥emeline ♥joceline ♥rgco chuiguan ♥M&M

layout by Paula (!lollipop). 01 02 03.

♠ Tuesday musings ( Wednesday, March 8, 2017 // 2:26 AM )

♠ Limitations ( Tuesday, February 28, 2017 // 10:48 PM )
It's easy to look back on yourself and amplify your limitations and weaknesses, especially as an overthinker, I feel like it really hinders me from going all out and just expressing myself/having fun making mistakes and learning from it :/ 

Timely reminder came when a friend shared this article on facebook: http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/your-weakness-is-not-meaningless. 

It’s also true that we experience the most love for one another in the places of our greatest mutual needs.When God gave me my strengths, few though they are, his purpose wasn’t to give me some basis on which to feel good about myself. He gave them to me so I could have the astounding privilege of loving someone else by graciously serving them in a place of their need, and then by receiving their grateful love in return.And when God gave me my weaknesses, which are legion, his purpose wasn’t to make me ashamed and discouraged. He gave them to me so I could have the astounding privilege of humbly receiving someone else’s love as they graciously serve me in a place of my need, and then joyfully responding to them with grateful love in return

I love how the author encourages us to yes, look at your limitations but not to worry/shame them. Instead look at how God has given you love in those areas and appreciate the love those around you have shown <3 Similarly in areas of strength, go forth and spread the love, of course, first reminding yourself that you are loved and this love that fills your heart will then overflow and spill to those around you (:

♠ Seek first ( Sunday, February 26, 2017 // 4:48 PM )

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

-Matthew 6:33

Truly the last day of my last recess week of my life :O Thankful for the rest and the time I had to catch up with friends & family, and also slightly more rested for the next half of the semester to come. Going to be a 小intense week ahead but really can't wait for it to be over!

 & I realised I should not try to take naps LOL the bed is like my magnet, and once I go there, it's over... I take forever to get back into the groove of things. Note to self to sleep earlier tonight though, 9am test tomorrow calls for some brain action then (which has been non-existent till today)

♠ Extroverted Introvert? ( Friday, February 24, 2017 // 1:40 AM )
A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about extroverts/introverts and it got me thinking how do we exactly label one as an extrovert/introvert? I mean there are tests that tell you your personality type like ISFJ or smthing but sometimes I feel like one day I can feel full of life and want to talk/engage with all my friends, but other days I just want to have alone time. I guess that's the complexity of humans, and how God made each and every one of us special and different in our own ways. He was saying how maybe we should be extroverts cause then we can really go out there and evangelise. But I believe that we will reach out to others in our own special way, by his will and power. Sometimes it takes an introvert to connect to another introvert right?

Wonder if anyone else feels like sometimes when you see someone you know, but you're not thattt close to the person, you'd want to siam and not say hi/just say hi and not initiate any convo...HAHA I feel so mean doing that sometimes but I just like to avoid awkward situations if possible, especially if it's a long train/bus ride. Guess its a test of real friendship sometimes :x Feel like real friends appreciate comfortable silence and I really treasure that a lot, just being in the company of people who tolerate your shit (shoutout to my shit/childish-tolerating buddies, yall are 100%)

time flies - it's already y3s2 and the end of recess week... shit's going to get real soon with internships and fyp but I really thank God for the peace in my heart this sem. Especially with all the extra commitments and ministries. Sometimes I wonder if this is the right time to step up and join back TC but seeing the kids weekly and interacting with them makes me feel like God put me back in this place for a reason and I believe He will see me through the last "studying" semester <3

Sidenote: omg I finally am starting to feel the "age"... From realising my bible was older than one of the kids at TC camp, to my friend's marriage. Really happy for him though, to have found someone he can spend his lifetime with. We were commenting how his priorities in life just shifted overnight, from grades to family/wife. But really, life isn't about getting all those As though in reality they do get you somewhere. Remember vividly collecting my results 3 years ago, the anticipation was not really for the actual grade, but rather to see my hard work come to fruitition in someway tangible? Looking back, it was really a fun time because of the memories I made with my friends, learning was intense but it ended up being quite repetitive in the end with all the past year papers and exercises. I am immensely thankful I found a group of friends whom I can rely on to share, learn, study and grow together and I really hope we'll continue to be #overlyattachedfriends wherever we go <3

Photo above #throwback to hongkong travels with thomson buddy Kar wew ft. the cute doggy that was only after the potatoes our other friend was holding LOL. Super thankful for this chill travel buddy whom I can just talk to about anything and everything in life, go on food adventures and really hope we can travel again with the rest of the thomson gang (actually just clauds LOL)



♠ Recent Musings ( Sunday, August 21, 2016 // 2:59 PM )
As many other Singaporeans know and are celebrating, Joseph Schooling did our nation proud by clinching that amazing gold medal, beating his idol Phelps and 2 other amazing swimmers on the world stage just a few weeks ago. As the celebrations continue and the newspaper reports continue to flood, I can't help but wonder, what if he was not as "Singaporean" as many would be quick to define as "born in Singapore", but someone who came from overseas to swim for this tiny nation?

Amidst the celebrations, our table tennis players tried their best but sadly failed to make it high up the ranks. In one of the interviews, they gave a match review in mandarin, which was perfectly normal, until some people had to comment on the language that they chose to use, finding fault in even the smallest things, instead of encouraging them and giving them praise for the hard work they had put in to fight for our nation, "Singaporean" or not. If one were to comment and say they should have spoken in english instead, then why not choose melayu? Isn't that Singapore's national language? Sadly, the same reactions would not come if a "Singaporean" were to comment in chinese instead of english. 

I'd have to admit, that my recent month exchange to Korea did open my eyes even more to the disgusting ways of some of the Chinese nationals. From pushing their way through, to cutting queues and even forming their own queues; all these oblivious to the stares and frowns from everyone around them. Of course, in Korea the xenophobia against the Chinese is quite obvious in the change of attitudes when they realise that the group of us are not from China, but are Singaporean chinese instead. Even our airbnb host commented slightly that many did not welcome them because of their rude actions and the noise they bring.

However, my friend was quick to reassure me that not all of the Chinese nationals are like that, after all, China is a big country. Her sister's exchange to China proved that not everyone was like those individuals we saw in Korea and even sometimes in Singapore. It was because we were exposed to such examples that we have, sadly, become so quick to assume the worst of these individuals.

Just like one ex-national shooter commented, if Joseph Schooling received the funding that many people are talking about right now, but did not win/did not return to swim for Singapore in the end, would the response be the same? I do remember not long ago, some people even questioned his dad if Schooling was really Singaporean. Really??

Why are we so hung up upon a definition of what it means to be Singaporean. To be Singaporean is so much more than being born in Singapore. Does it mean our great grandparents who came from China/India are just foreigners, and just because our grandparents were born here, they're suddenly Singaporeans? Yes, maybe they were not born in Singapore, but they called this place their home, they worked here, they lived here and they formed a family here, without, we would not even be here.

Sometimes, the xenophobia gets real and is overwhelming, and it gets scarier as I try to imagine life in the future -- with a shrinking "local" population and ageing population, the reality of more FTs joining us looms near, for without, we are unable to support our own economic and social systems. Of course, there are many flaws in the ways information and things are being carried out. But ultimately, we should take a step back and think before talk.

Labels: random

♠ Peace ( Sunday, April 10, 2016 // 4:39 PM )
Lots of things have happened in the past few days, more notably, debates and questions raised against our pharm system after the halftime session with the profs. I walked into the session and seated myself comfortably, and scrolled through the humorous comments on the board, awaiting the announcement of the new FYP schedule and format, only to be blown away by questions and answers from the students and the profs alike in the next 2 hours.

Honestly when I first came in and had that mini tea session with the prof (thinking that other people would sign up LOL), I knew things were not going to be the same as what I had heard from pharmacists who had graduated. However, I honestly did not expect what was going to hit me in the next 2 years, and coming 2 more.

Am I annoyed at the lack of information and structure? Yes, annoyed at the mess that we had to go through, introducing SOUL in the summer break, and having to overload each sem to clear everything. Yes 50 hours may not seem a lot, and I understand the rationale behind it, but from what I see on the ground, SOUL brings away the true meaning of service in many ways. Students actively sign up for Emed/HME etc. just to clear their hours. I really enjoy signing up for these sessions, because I feel that I can make a difference in some way. But every time I take out that dreaded SOUL sheet, I feel a slight tinge of guilt. Am I doing this because of the hours? I want to serve, to help, but everytime I think about the need to complete those hours, I don't really know anymore...

One of the remarks by the profs that really annoyed me was when asked about the fact that we had to overload for completion of the 7 electives, she replied that it was "unexpected". Really? How can it be unexpected it is clearly the university requirement for us to complete those electives, and with the reshuffling of the mods, I fail to see how it was "unexpected". The talk we had during FOW highlighted that we had to clear our electives by overloading, even giving us a "helpful" table on when to clear them. So really, either it is unexpected or it is a huge mess. Not many faculties have to overload multiple sems to clear electives, and on top of the truly heavy workload, 5x2CAs (minimum) each semester, it really drains each and every one of us and takes away some of the joy in learning.

Perhaps one can say, we are already being overly sensitive and that uni is not a bubble like the lower years of education and exposes us more to the real world, which is not just butterflies and unicorns. But what we are expecting, as students wanting to learn and be reliable healthcare professionals, is knowledge, and that is best done in a good environment, which clearly we do not see right now. Some of us argue to reduce the need for electives, but I actually really enjoy taking them. They open my eyes to the world beyond pharm, and gives us a chance to broaden our perspectives, because the world out there is far bigger than what we see from our notes and drugs.

Then there's the debate about the bell curve. Honestly, I have a love-hate relationship with it. I love it when I feel that the test was terrible and it actually saves me, and hate it when I work so hard only to be put down by the bell curve. That being said however, perhaps it is not as beneficial to us when we are working towards a common goal and trying to attain knowledge as healthcare professionals. Having the bell curve to put us down with those terrible Cs and Ds just because of the bell curve, puts us at competition (albeit unhealthy) with each other just to scramble for the As from what many have raised. (Though I do not really see it as much, perhaps "blessed" with ignorance in that aspect or/and just really good friends) On the other hand, having the bell curve to pull us up gives us a false sense of accomplishment, when in actual fact we could not have understood the subject well in the first place.

I understand from the profs point of view, that perhaps our grades really do form a natural bell curve by its pure numbers, and maybe we fail to see that because we do not see the actual numbers all the time. But schools have rules and departments have regulations, and they clearly cannot show these information to us for a variety of reasons.

So how now? Perhaps, just to suck it up, give feedback and hope that it will improve for the batches to come. After all, it's not like I hate what I am studying, in fact, I really enjoy it. It's just that the stress sometimes takes away the joy of learning. But they also say when you compress then you can extend further haha.

After the session, I was both annoyed and amused at the "crisis management" of the profs, but for the rest, I felt more like nothing had changed since I was hit with the new curriculum's changes, and that nothing will/can change much in the short term. What was up to me was how I was going to deal with it, and I believe God gave me the peace to do so. I believe God placed me here for a reason, and I had faith that He would pull me through. I still had my opinions, I still had a stand, but instead of continuing to be annoyed at everything and anything, I chose to find peace within myself.

Watching bubz's vlog yesterday also hit me at the spot. She read a quote from a book called "Don't sweat the small stuff" which I thought was quite inspirational.

“One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be. It’s not and it won’t. When we make this mistake we tend to spend a lot of time wallowing and/or complaining about what’s wrong with life. “It’s not fair,” we complain, not realizing that, perhaps, it was never intended to be.” - Richard Carlson, Don't sweat the small stuff

The bell curve is an amplification of the natural competition and that truly life isn't fair. But when we start to zoom in into these fine details, we lose sight of the big picture. Life was never intended to be fair, if not we'd not be the unique individuals we are, with different life experiences and personalities. I believe God made us all unique, different people who will shine for Him in so many different ways, and I believe He will provide, we just need to do our best and leave God to do the rest. (:

♠ overnight magic ( Wednesday, January 20, 2016 // 11:31 PM )